Why Get Married: Men Lie Women Cheat!

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Other Woman

How do you know if you are the other Woman? My name is Sola but a lot of my friends call me Soly (pronounced Sholly). I didn't want to be the first to put my story on this blog because I felt it woudl not be right to start off with a bad story, but my friend convinced me that this was a melting pot for men and women scorned by the foolishness of Nigerina in-laws. I have been married for ten years and just realized I am the other woman. How can this happen you may ask? Well let me inform you of my wonderful husband Goke.
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I met my husband when I was visiting my family in Ikeja. He attended the church that my mother is a deaconness at. You see according to Nigerian standards I was past my prime. I was 32 and still single. My family felt that I would never find a husband. I was fine not being tied down. I lived in Ibadan. I had a good paying job and I had a nice place to live. I was fine.

While visiting my mother's church this young handsome man sat next to me and began trying to toast me in church. I was appalled that he would even think to do such a thing. Does he not know we are in the house of God. Plus he looked too young to be even toasting me.

Afte church, my mother and I were walking home to the bus stop and this car pulled up, the young man was driving a Mercedes Benz and it was very modern and fine. He asked my mother if she would like a ride hom. My anxious mother said yes and quickly got in the back seat. During the drive my mother prodded him about what he does, family issues, and such. He talked freely with her and watched me in the back seat.

I must admit, the looks he was giving me while speaking to my mother in such a calm voice was turning my head. He had beautiful eyes. His lashes were long and his eye balls were not big but big enough to look large on his face. Yet they had almost a chinese man slant on them. Needless to say I was falling for his eyes.

When we arrived at home he asked my mother's permission to speak with me. She quickly agreed and headed into the house. She was afterall trying to marry off her only daughter, the spinster. He told me his name was Goke and told me he would like to see me. I informed him I lived in Ibadan and he said that wouldn't be a problem.

After four months of commuting back and forth and he finally informed me of his love for me. By this time the visits, the gifts and his kisses had swayed me to accept his offer of romance and we took things a step further. I had been with other men before, I will not pretend I was a virgin. My first boyfriend at 16 in High school took my maidenhead so virginity was not an issue. But I became saved and stopped partying and sleeping around. But it was special being with him. He was always very gentle and sweet. Whenever he came into town he was attentive and we never quarrelled. He never raised his voice at me and never got annoyed at me even when I did stupid things to provoke him, he would smile and say sweet things to me.

I felt lucky. About one year later I played the Visa Lottery and I won. I hadn't expected to win because I didn't even want to play. But my boss had handed me the paper and said that everyone in the office was playing the lottery and who knows maybe I would win. So I played the visa lottery and won. I didn't tell Goke because I wasn't sure I wanted to go to America. Two weeks after I won the Visa Lottery, Goke asked me to marry him without knowing that I had had played and won the visa lottery. I felt that this was a sign. I informed him of my win and he was sad because he felt I would leave him in Nigeria and find a man in America. This was the first emotion besides joy at being with me that I had ever seen on him. He looked close to tears. I said i would marry him and that I would marry him before I left for America.

A week before my wedding I found out I was pregnant. I didn' tell Goke because I was worried that he would demand I stay in Nigeria and have the baby here. I had recieved my visa and was scheduled to leave for America from Lagos a week after our wedding.

At my traditional wedding when they brought me out some lady that I didn't recognize was the one who unmasked my covering. I realized it wasn't Goke's mother because his mother was sitting next to his father. I assumed it was his eldest sister and didn't think anything of it. During the ceremony the woman kept mentioning "iyawo kekere" and how I should show respect for the other wives. I thought she ment the other wives of the family like Goke's siblings wives (they are six children only one girl Goke is the last born boy). I agreed to all of this. Goke kept smiling his agreement and support.

After the ceremony, my mother approached me and asked me why I would want to join in a polygamus marriage. Did I not know it wasn't sanctioned by the church? I asked her what she was talking about? She said "didn't you see all the other three wives sitting there in the front? Did you not see the woman that uncovered your face? That is Goke's first wife. She is barren and so he married the other two. Goke has three wives. One has three girls and the second one has one girl.

I was in absolute shock. Not in this day and age. Not in the our time. I mean thi is 1996 for God's sake! We don't live in a stone age. How could I have been so decieved. Then it hit me. All the times I had seen Goke it was not in Lagos except for the time we first met. He always came to see me. I had never been to his house. This was the reason. He was covering things up.

In order not to shame my family and myself I pretended that I was fine with everything but I was burning with anger. I had waited till this time to be tricked into marriage. I didn't tell Goke I was pregnant. I pretended the wedding night and let him touch me. I pretended to be happy with him during the honeymoon and acted like I loved him and I adored him. But I couldn't stand his touch. I was disgusted with him. He kept staring at me for signs of change. And one time asked me if I was okay. I told him I was just nervous about leaving him and going to America.

It has been ten years now and I have a child. A boy. He has yet to see his father. I never filed for Goke to come to the United States. I never let him see his son face to face. I didn't take Wale to Nigeria. Goke's other wives have girls. He is beginning to look old to me. Does Goke know he has a son. Yes but I will not let those bitches get a hold of his heir and kill him with thier juju. I don't even let them know when I flying home or coming back because I don't want to die. And when I go home I stay at my mother's house.

Two years ago when my father died, Goke threw a big party. He can throw parties from now till tomorrow. Two things are for certain, he will not get a greencard through me and he will never see his son unless he comes to the U.S.

Am I wrong to do this? Definately! Do I feel guilty! Absolutely not. He can talk to Wale on the phone, and exchange pictures but I am going to protect my son from his decietful father.

And what about me? Well body no be firewood!

Posted by Passion :: 10:54 AM :: 8 comments