Friday, January 12, 2007
If at first you don't suceed...try again
I have been married four times.
My first wife I met at a wedding ceremony of my younger brother. She was very tall and slender and caught my eye with her smile. She was Indian. I thought I could be with her forever. Then she got breast cancer. We got married two months later when we found out that she would be dead in six months.
Of course we didn't know that she would live for nine more months. It was the hardest nine months of my life. Watching her egg away from the beauty she was into the woman she became. Frail and almost ghost like in her appearance.
My second wife was a Nigerian lady that my parents found for me in our village. I am Yoruba and thought that this marraige would last forever. I didn't love her but respected her and gave her attention, money and time. She had a baby girl for me which I called Oluwaseun. I thought we were happy but I must have been mistaken. She left me for my best friend. I came home from work early and found them wrapped around each other on my sofa. Needless to say, I threw her and her new lover out. WE got a divorce and I hear she and my friend are getting married soon. Wishing them all the best. Since I didn't love her I was only upset about the time and money I wasted on her. That is what I get for bringing her to America. The Ungrateful bitch!
My third wife was a white woman on my job. She was a college professor like me and we enjoyed the same type of books and shows. We went to New York and saw a lot of Broadway shows etc. The problem was that she wasn't really into having children. I have a daugther from my second marriage so I didn't mind. Seun brought me a lot of happiness. I had full custody of her and her mother got to see her only once every month at school (supervised visits). Seun is a smart child, very brilliant and I could not ask for a better child. Anyway, Sharon and I went to the Caribeans and had a small ceremony with a few friends on the beach. The problem was that Sharon didn't like my daughter around. She doesn't like children. Things in the home got worse when Sharon abused my daughter physically. I came home and found my daughter bleeding and bruised and asked what had happened, Sharon confessed to beating up my daughter because she hadn't done the dishes. I rushed my baby to the hospital and found out she had two broken ribs, a sprained arm, lots of cuts and bruising. I reported Sharon to the Doctor who called the police.
I had no problem testifying about her abuse of my daughter, and divorcing her ass as quick as possible. I love my child and despite her mother, Seun shouldn't have to suffer.
So after all this drama with women you would think I gave up. Well about two years ago I met my current wife. She is a Nigerian nurse. Very quiet and gentle. I dated her for a year and then we got engaged and married. She loves Seun and loves me. The problem is that I am not in love with her. I realize this is wronge. I mean she is everything I could want. And you may ask why did I marry her?Well she is the best person I have met, and amazing and sweet and kind. She is loyal and I wake up at night wondering how I got so lucky but I am not in love with her. I admire and respect her and love her body and the way she satisfies me physically. She is very supportive and encouraging and driven. She is very family oriented but I am don't love her.
I don't feel the way I felt for my first wife or even the way I felt for Sharon. I look at her and I don't get warm inside or feel butterflies. I married her because I knew she would be an excellent mother to my daughter but I don't love her. I don't feel that feeling.
And now I feel like I have destined her to a loveless marriage. I pretend and say the words but I feel like a liar. What do i do?
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Dear Loveless Marriage:
I am sorry for your many losses. The fact that you care about her is not enough. She should know how you feel. And you should open your heart to her and give yourself a chance to love again. Don't compare her to the past women, and don't divorce her unless you feel that you can't love her. In Nigeria divorce is not an option unless a woman or man is disloyal remember that there are many ways to cheat. Cheating of the heart is the same as cheating of the body.
Open your heart to her and give her chance. She may prove to be the best love you have ever had. Don't give up on your marriage just because you don't feel love now. Give it time and trust your heart.
Best wishes
Passion
Posted by Passion ::
10:02 AM ::
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Sunday, January 07, 2007
Just a Note
Dear Readers
I am not the one who makes these stories up. Someone had mentioned that these stories are fabrications. The truth is that I get emails from people and post thier stories on this blog.
I do have a very great imagination as is seen in my other blog. But my imagination rests in the erotica area so don't worry, you will have to check out my other blog to see my imagination run free.
Meanwhile, the truth or falisy of these stories shouldn't be your main concern, your main concern is to read, enjoy and learn. Don't get trapped in a situation that you could have avoided if you had acted with your brain or done your research. Marriage isn't something that should be taken lightly
I should know...divorce is my middle name
Sincerely
Passion Your Therapist
Posted by Passion ::
7:39 PM ::
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Saturday, January 06, 2007
To Kill a Mother In-Law Part III
Mother in-laws are sometimes good but I have the misfortune of having one that is horrible. I knew she didn't like me from the start.
When I started dating Chuks she wanted to meet me and when she did she didn't approve that I was older than her son and that I was Yoruba. Yes I am one of those women who married a younger guy. Chuks was in his last year of college when he met me. I was already established in my dream occupation.
I travel for business and met Chuks at a Starbuks in the city I was visiting (Miami). We exchanged information and started our cross country love affair. My family had already thrown in the towel saying I would never find love. And then in walks Chuks into the starbucks and that changed my life.
We spent every moment we had together. And I often flew out of the country with him on business trips. We went to Milan, we visited Hong Kong, Tokyo, Sydney, Rome, and Johannesburg, South Africa. All expenses were paid by me of course. We would make love in my backyard and play in my pool. I was in heaven.
I am 40 and Chucks is 26. I know many people think this is wrong but I love him. His mother thought so too but did I really care? absolutely not!
Well she has done everything to kill what love we have. Chuks even cheated on me with some little tramp during our courtship. We had decided to take a break because he felt pressure from his family that I was too old. He later told me that he slept with this girl his mother had pressured him to date while we were on break. I am old enough to know that no one can pressure you to sleep with anyone unless you really wanted to at some point in the back of your mind. Chuks confessed that he wanted to feel un hitched and so he did what he felt.
We had to recommit our relationship to each other. And then we got married in a small ceremony. Only our friends were invited. His mother was furious. She wanted a big traditional affair. I didn't care for one.
My family was happy I got married. They adored Chuks and when I took him to Nigeria to meet my parents they were so happy to have a son in law finally (I am the only girl in the midst of four brothers) they didn't care his ethnicity or tribe.
The girl Chuks slept with got pregnant and had a baby girl. We adopted her officially this past May (2006) much to Chuks mother's upsetness. She felt that now that the girl was pregnant that Chuks would leave me since I can't have kids but that is not the case. We have a daughter now and I am pregnant with a boy. I take care of the girl like she is mine and she will never feel like she isn't. I am to old to run around after Chuks mother quelling all the gossip and lies and fires that she starts. Either she is telling someone that I am sleeping around and that is how I got my job or that I am sleeping around and that is my job. Or she is telling people I am poisoning my baby. Whatever the case may be, Chuks and I are just living our lives. He is in a Ph.D program now for Chemistry research and I am still traveling for work. My husband doesn't have to work right now, but he works as a professor at a junior college. He is adamant to prove he is the bread winner so I allow him to pay for everything his paycheck can and i save my money for a rainy day. We live in a small two bedroom apartment and even though we can afford more (based on my salary) I don't want anything my husband can't provide.
Short and simple angle of the matter is that I understand that the crazy woman that is his mother will never leave our lives until she dies, so I choose to ignore her and live a happy life with my husband.
Posted by Passion ::
9:45 AM ::
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Friday, January 05, 2007
To Kill a Mother In-Law Part II
Soji and I are regretfully seperated. And I guess it is for the best. My sanity can only go but so far. I remember in my parents day when people never got seperated. If you did they blamed the wife and found the husband a new woman to take your place. My father never abused my mother and my mother always respected my father. My grandmother came to live with us when my sister was born and never once in my recollection did she ever insult my mother. It was unheard of.
But not in my generation.
How backward has my society gotten that even now the mother's are demanding sons from us women. Here is my story.
Soji and I were introduced at a party several years ago (seven) we were very much drawn to each other. I can't say that I was drawn to him emotionally as much as I can say I found him very appealing. He is very light and tall. And I love my Nigerian men tall and light skin. His head is bald and he has facial hair and some nice lips to match. I was just staring at his mouth as he talked the whole time. We met up several times at different events because we kind of hung out in the same circles but he never made a move on me.
So I dated a few other guys . About two years later, after I had been disappointed by our wonderful Nigerian men, I met Soji at a freinds wedding shower. It was nice to see a familiar face since I only knew the bride but I didn't know her that well. Soji's brother happened to be the groom and we struck up an interesting conversation. He asked me if I was done messing around and ready to settle with a real man. I thought he was joking and said hell yeah. He asked for my number and said he would call me
The next day Soji called me and invited me to a party with some friends of his. I thought nothing of it since we ran in the same group. The party was great! Soji and I went to a club later that night with the same group of friends and it was there on the dance floor while slow dancing that he began to make his move. I remember him holding my butt and kissing me on my neck. And then he told me that he had always loved me and wanted to be with me forever.
Maybe it was all the wine that I had drank, maybe it was the music and the moment but I was smitten by his voice and his feel. kissing him I agreed to be his girl.
I am not usually that forward. I know you hear this all the time, but sincerely, I am not usually that forward but this time I was. I took it upon myself to kiss him thoroughly on the lips.
We began our romance. Five months into dating he asked me to marry him and I agreed. It was romantic and I want to keep this part of him asking to myself but just be aware that Soji did everything right. We planned our wedding for the following year May.
That is when the witch came into my life. She met me the following month on our visit to her home in Gettysburg, MD. She hated me from the moment she met me. Started off by asking me what I did for a living. I told her I was an Assistant to the V.P. of a firm. She then turned to Soji and in Yoruba said that why is he with a secretary when there are medical doctors and lawyers out there. I didn't believe she would do that! I am Yoruba, and even though I can't speak it, I understand every word. I just sat there in shock and Soji was really embarassed. He excused me and him and we went outside. He apologised and explained that there was this lady that his mother wanted him to marry but I shouldn't worry, he had it all under control. We went inside and his mother was on the phone. When she got off, she turned to Soji and said "That was Evangeline, she is excited that you are in town, she is coming over to greet you". then she turned to me and said "Oh, you are still here, I thought you were leaving. Anyway, you might want to leave before Evangeline gets here, she is Soji's real wife! She gets jealous if Soji is with other women, she is Doctor not a Secretary".
I couldn't believe it. As God is my witness, this is what happened. Soji was so upset he told me that we were leaving and as we got up his mother said in Yoruba again "Soji, if you leave now with this woman you are disobeying your mother. And a child who doesn't listen to his mother will live to regret it".
As we got in our car this nice BMW showed up and this very sexy but skinny girl came out. Soji got out and gave her a hug and introduced me to the girl. She gave me a cold look and handshake kissed Soji on the lips and hurried inside. I sat there while Soji got in and began to drive. I was fuming. I had been disgraced and embarassed beyond reason. I came to the states without parents or family. I struggled to make ends meet. Put myself through school and was proud of how much I had accomplished. I was studying for my MBA earned good money and didn't need any man for anything. And here I was being put down by some woman and her skinny wanna be doctor ass daughter in law. I was beyond annoyed. And here is this man that I love allowing this insult to continue by kissing the skinny bitch
I blew up.
By the time we hit 95 I was beyond upset. I was so angry I was shaking and cursing Soji, his mother and that skinny doctor. I was so upset I asked Soji to pull over so many times to let me walk home. He sat quietly and drove the car. Finally he spoke and started begging me not to leave him and not to be angry.
Soji told me if worse comes to worse we would elope.
Well we had our wedding and his mother didn't come. I was later told that the day scheduled for my wedding my soon to be mother in law sent a seperate invitation to all her friends to come help her mourn the loss of her son. She bought a coffin and she and her friends sat in her home and put the picture of my husband in the coffin and they cried. What a bunch of idiots. They have time and money to waste. Our wedding was so wonderful. Evangeline showed up however and when i was saying my vows she was coughing loudly until one of the ushers saw her out.
Life was great because I didn't have communication with his mother. He would go visit her and she would not even ask after me. When his mother first learned that I was pregnant in 2005 she was so excited.
She came over and knelt in front of me and begged me to forgive her. I wanted the drama to be over and for Soji's sake I gave in and accepted her apology. Soji and I had agreed that we would have only two children. Boy or girl we only wanted two because we didn't want any financial stress or drama. Well I was having twins. Soji's mother told all her friends and family I was having twin boys. I told Soji I was having girls and he should correct his mother.
Soji told her it was girls and she said "I rebuke it in Jesus Name"
She bought boy baby clothes and toys. She kept up this whole baby boy thing even at the baby shower, she brought all baby boy stuff. My friends and family thought she was crazy. I had four months before I was due and she showed up with her bags and moved into our home she was ready to take care of Soji's sons. I told her I was having girls and she told me to shut-up and not speak evil into existence. Strong men is what she described my babies to be.
Harmones and all, I started crying and got really agitated. We got into a verbal battle. I told her to accept my children or be out of our lives.His mother shoved me a couple times and I hit my stomach against the table. Fearful for my babies lives i began telling her to pack up her shit and get the fuck out of my house. I was yelling and sweating and I lost every ounce of control I had. We were both screaming and she was cursing the future of my daughters if they were girls. She tried to tousle with me at one point and I remember hitting my stomach several times By the time Soji came home we were both at each other's necks. That night I went into labor. I guess the stress had caused my babies to decide to come early.
We hurried to the hospital and one of the babies was pronounced dead, the other one was so weak she fought for her life.
As I sat in the hospital I expected Soji to come to my side. He didn't! He was outside beggint his mother not to be upset with me that it was my hormones and the pregancy. When our second baby died, Soji was still outside consoling his mother. I sat there in my hospital bed for two solid hours before my husband came to me.
He asked me what happened and I turned to look at him and said "your mother killed our babies" He told me to shut up that if I hadn't provoked his mother that the babies would still be alive. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My Soji had turned against me when I needed him the most.
I packed out of our four bedroom home the next week. Things had gotten to a point that we couldn't even stand the sight of each other. Words had been said that hurt so much so that they couldn't be taken back. Soji was sleeping on the couch and I was sleeping in the guest room. When I got home from the hospital his mother was sleeping in the second guest room and Evangeline was sleeping in my bed.
Needless to say there was to much damage emotionally and physically from all this drama, that I slept in the guest room until I got my strength.
As I was moving my clothes (that was all I took) from the home his mother was taunting me saying things like "Sebi i warned you that this marriage wouldn't last"
and abusing me in Yoruba while the foolish Evangeline was sitting on my couch reading an INTOUCH magazine smiling.
Next time i saw soji was two days later at the funeral of our daughters. I remember looking over the tiny casket at my husband and hating him for being there. And when his mother showed up crying, I remember loosing my mind and cursing her and her son out and demanding that they be removed from the graveside of my children. I remember being taken to the car and put inside by a friend. I remember passing out and waking up on my Uncle's couch.
I stayed at a friends house until I could afford to get my own apartment. For three months i walked through life like a dead person. I can't remember most of what I did but it involved sleeping, work and home and paying bills. I didn't communicate with any friends or family. I was numb and dead inside.
Soji and I have been on the road to reconciliation. I don't know how he found my address but everyday he would come and knock on my door begging me to let him in. I finally did after three weeks and we talked and cried together. We began to heal from the death of our marriage and our children together. He comes over and we talk. He tells me stuff about the day at work and it is almost like we are back to being married. He is sweet and kind and makes me laugh. He is the wonderful man I know him to be.
His mother moved back to Gettysburg and Evangeline is getting married this year to some Pastor. Soji sold our house and lives in a loft apartment. We are on the way to bridging our marriage but I don't know if I can take that final step and move back in with him. He asked me many times if I was ready to allow him to be a better husband.
I will not lie we do have great sex and we do see each other everyday and night. Sometimes I sleep at his place and sometimes he sleeps at mine but I don't know if I am ready or strong enough to take on his mother and this marriage again. Soji is ready and well...maybe 2007 will be the year all things become better...
Posted by Passion ::
11:16 AM ::
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Thursday, January 04, 2007
To Kill A Mother In-Law Part 1
I found your information through a friend and thought to send you an email. Hopefully I will read my story on your site. I enjoy all the stories on your site and thought that by adding mine people can understand that not all situations are the men's fault and some men actually have balls.
I have been married for three years. I know I am not as experienced with this marriage thing but this story is just the wealth of stress I have experienced in the last three years.
My husband and I met regularly at one of the Nigerian parties that I know many of the nigerians reading this blog must have attended. What happened was he and I were placed on the same table and I am very outgoing so I introduced myself. We began chatting which led to us exchanging numbers. He didn't call me for a month. I decided he was interested as I thought and didn't call him either.
One day I am returning from work on the bus (I am a Registered Nurse and live in Baltimore, MD) and I get a call. It was him and he apologized saying he was away on business and couldn't reach me. I asked what business and then I found out he owns and operates a company in Nigeria that imports Nigerian clothing and food to the states. For someone so young to be involved in this venture was very attractive to me because he had drive and focus to make his company work.
We began dating and our relationship florished. After two years he proposed in the most romantic way. We had gone to visit his family in New York for thanksgiving. (that is his brother and his brother's wife and children). He took me downtown Manhattan and we were in this horse drawn carriage thing when he asked me to marry him in the center of times square. I cried and said yes.
I had met his mother previously at another family event and she was cordial. I guess she didn't think we would be dating still. When she found out he was going to marry me she was upset. She called my house and cursed me out. Said I had destroyed her son's future of marrying into a good home. I come from a polygamus family and my parents are muslim. I guess she wanted him to marry into a christian home with a single mother and father. My siblings (half and whole) are very close. We interact together on a daily basis. The youngest lives with me in Owings Mills and she is from my father's third wife. We are eight in number and we are still very close. We were brought up to believe that whether your mother is this one or that you are all siblings.
His mother hates me. She has done everything to sabotage our marriage plans. I picked the colors gold and blue for the wedding, his side of the family and mine so we can come united, she busted out lilac and hot pink and so all the people from his side show up with lilac and hot pink. I wasn't informed about this change in color but to be amiable I didn't say anything or even fight her. She then proceed to attack the decorations, the food, the catere almost quit on that day because of his crazy ass mother, the hotel wasn't good enough, the flowers were to tall or to short, why did we have two different colors of flowers, why was my viel short not long, why did I wear a strapless wedding gown (I heard the word asewo about twenty times on the day of my wedding from her to me). It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but in every shot the witch was right there. I got only one shot by myself and none with my husband. She was glued to my side whispering evilness into my ear. We had to reshoot our wedding pictures after the wedding in a seperate photo shoot because we didn't have any of just us.
She is evil in every sense of the word.
I decided to go back to school this year to complete my Bachelor's in Nursing. She is not having any of it. She is upset because she feels that I should be popping out kids.
finally my husband told her the truth that I couldn't have children because of an infection I caught while living in school in Nigeria but that we would adopt children from Nigeria. She almost had a cardiac arrest. She had a nervous breakdown and landed in the hospital. I mean the last three years of marriage have been hell. She has informed his family that I had an abortion while messing around before I met her son and that is why I can't have children.
Lately she blames me for the business that has failed. Actually my husband decided to sell his company to a larger company based here and use the profits to further his education. So we are both in school (he began law school this past fall and I am in my last year of doing my BSN)and we are in the process of adopting a baby.
His brothers and sister (2 brothers and one sister) are in agreement that thier mother is insane and have asked me not to let the stress of her get to me. She comes to our house unannounced and just begins to insult me and I just take it. She is mad that my sister who just got to the states is living in our basement despite the fact that the poor girl is college. She is always abusing my sister and one day even slapped her. I almost lost it then, my husband however told his mother either she apologizes or gets the fuck out of our home and never come back. She apologized but things are still the same.
I am exhuasted from work and school and just trying to be happy in the midst of this craziness. My hubby and I have decided to move away from here once he finishes law school but until three years has passed this is the shit I will have to live with.
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Dear writer:
On the contrary you don't have to live with this. Your husband needs to put his foot down. Unlike most of the stories I read, yours seems to be unsolved. You have the power to solve your problem. this should have been nipped in the bud along time ago when she first started insulting you. Your husband needs to sit her down and lay out the plan. She doesn't have to like you but she has to respect you. You are his wife and if she can't respect you then she is no longer welcome in your lives. You are his family now and he must recognise this significant fact. He can't continue to allow his mother to walk all over you and treat you like scum. If he values you then he will step up.
Let him know that you can't live like this. You shouldn't have to run away just to keep sane. you shouldn't have to pack up your life just to have a normal life. Remember that you are always only a ticket away. So stop the drama now for your marriage's sake.
Passion the Therapist.
Posted by Passion ::
10:58 AM ::
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