Why Get Married: Men Lie Women Cheat!

Monday, April 30, 2007

Can I Just Run?

I have created a huge dent in my family and don't know where to go from here.

I was brought up in a close knit Nigerian community. Everyone knows everyone's business. The problem was that we were so few Nigerians in the "town" that I grew up in that the few that we were banded together and became "family". Everyone was your aunt, uncle, cousin etc. As a child that is great but as an adult you just want to break away. I was taught how to speak my dialect and most people believe I grew up in Nigeria because of my thick accent. I have only visited the land four times in my life. I promise! But it is the way we were brought up that made us so "real" as the oyinbo man would say.

I left the moment I turned 18, I left my "comfort zone" as they say and moved to the New York city. I attended NYU and graduated with honors, then attended graduate school and got a great job with an investment firm in Virginia. Life was looking great. I was away from the small community and choking feeling of people controlling me and now I operated my own life! I bought a nice ride, and a condo in Virginia and was living the high life with my boys.

But then I met this amazing woman who I thought was everything. She was the sun, the moon and the world. I literally worshipped the ground she walked on. The first day we met, I was with some friends at a "Nigerian party". You know how these parties go, one minute you are talking and doing your thing the next minute some girl walks in the room and it is "goodbye boys" hello lady!. She came in and all the guys rushed her like she was meat and they were flies. It was very embarrassing. I just stood to the side and monitored her movements. I also noticed she didn't give anyone face, so I wasn't going to embarrass myself by her giving me "iso". After posing for a while with my boys on the sidelines I decided to ask some "lose" girl that I knew would probably give me a blow job in a minute to dance with me.

See you women, the problem with you is that you often jealous other women. I mean think about it, I was one of the few guys that night that didn't bum rush her and then all of sudden now that I am dancing with another girl she can come and give me the look. I mean I know I am a fine looking guy but damn! sister came on strong.

She cut this other girl out of the dance and found her way to my area. We started doing some nasty moves on the dance floor (ask me why a 30-something year old man is going to parties at my age? eh?) Anyway, we started doing some nasty moves on the floor and then I got thirsty so I excused myself and omo! no lie! She followed me. Okay so after the usual what is your names and such, we started talking, apparently she attended one of the schools close by and she was "24 yrs old". Cradle robbing! I was so scared to tell her my age, I was a whole 10 years older than this girl. But I decided to give it a shot. She just smiled and kept talking. I was smitten.

Now comes the wahala, I took this girl out to eat a few times and we began a serious intimate relationship. I mean we were not sleeping together even though I wanted to, but we were close. We talked about everything and I was really ready to just leap off the ladder of being single and embark on the journey of marriage with her. I had a career, and a home and she was a smart, and well mannered woman. Plus! how many Niaja girls are still virgins! Omo don't vex if you are not but me, I am old school. Screw the philosophy of double standard oh! I want my dick to fit tight, no loose canon around here abeg!

Anyway, sha, so the idea of spending my life with her grew more and more appealing. After 8 months of just serious body starvation we finally committed both physically and emotionally to be together forever. So, I went to her families house to ask for her hand in marriage

Her mother was very friendly and very hospitable. As I am sitting there nursing my glass of CocaCola, her mother decides to show me the family album. I am not lying, dead smack in the middle of this journey into my woman's family tree lying next to the marriage picture of her parents is a picture of my father and mother. What the hell?! I get nervous now and I ask, "by the way do who are these people?" The mother says "Oh! that is my half brother and his wife! I haven't seen them in years. They have three son's one of them moved to Virginia a while back!"

Haba! I have been fucking my cousin oh!

Help! Not only have my parents found out but how do I repair hymen eh? and the part that is even not mentionable, my girl refuses for us to call of the relationship!

Haba! You can never run from family right? Help me oh!

Posted by Passion :: 10:01 PM :: 13 comments

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Confessions

I have this CD by Rihanna in my car, and I play the song where she cheats on her boyfriend over and over again. I can relate...

I am a 27 year old married woman. I married my husband when I was 21. From the outside you will assume that I am happy. We are the typical young family. I am a hardworking Banker, and he works in corporate America.

I am an alcoholic. I am a victim of child rape. I am cheating on my husband with his brother.

Since I am not going to dwell on the past, lets just say that my father raped me from the age of 6 to the age of 12 when my mother caught him she warned me not to discuss it with anyone since talking about it was "taboo". My father left when I was 14. My uncle (my mother's brother) took over from my father when I was 16 and raped me repeatedly until I told my mother. Funny enough by the age of 18 I was more sexually active than your average teenager. While my friends were experiencing their first time, I was probably going through my #70. I am not saying this to boast it is just a fact. I did it for money, for clothes, for books, for grades, for anything. I just loved the fullness I got from having a man inside me. When I have sex I am in control of the many and he is powerless. That is the way I feel, I control my what happens in bed, the only time in my life that I feel in control.

Later on I would read books that people like myself either become addicted to sex or take on some other vices. Both are my case.

I started drinking at the age of 13. I would steel beer from the fridge and smuggle wine into my room at night just to numb the pain when he would come and touch me. I got addicted to what is now known as "a night cap" and would drink even when I wasn't being molested. I loved the way that I felt with a man between my legs and alcohol in my veins.

My husband and I met when I was 20 and on vacation in Miami. We instantly started a "love affair". Well, he thought it was love, I just found it interesting that someone would be with me not for sex but because they actually wanted to be with me. He proposed six months in our relationship. I accepted. Big mistake. We got married on my 21st birthday. It was the happiest day of my life. My mother cried through out the whole time partly out of joy that someone wanted her "damaged daughter" and partly because I had found a man with "deep pockets" as they say in our world.

In case you haven't noticed I am not Nigerian. I am African-American and half Asian my mother is Asian

Life fell into a routine and at first I enjoyed the husband and nice house thing. But then I got restless. I hit it off with an old flame, one thing led to another and we got busy. My husband found out and he was furious. Three months into our marriage he wanted a divorce. We went to counselling instead.

But he doesn't trust me and I don't blame him

We had our first child, and I had to do a paternity test to determine that she was indeed the child of my husband. It was the scariest time of my life because at the time I got pregnant I had two other lovers. Don't judge me, I am addicted to sex. My baby was a victim of FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). But she was a fighter and after six months in the hospital and many prayers she came home. Unfortunately, she caught pneumonia and died at eight months.

My husband withdrew into himself and his work, I turned to sex. I can't tell you the number of times I have lied and met up with various lover's in hotels. I can't list the number of sexual partners I have had because honestly I do not know.

After four months of no communication we decided to do a trial separation. I know I do not deserve him because two weeks into the separation he decided he wanted me back. I was already sleeping with another man at the time. My alcoholism became worse as I was either drinking, looking for a drink or having sex while drunk. I can't remember most of the three years after my daughters death as it was all a blurry mess. Sex and alcohol were my friends and my husband suffered so much but he endured. He always says "I have this image of you in my mind, and you can never fall from grace..." That breaks my heart because try as I might if I didn't have a bottle or dick, I was trying to find a way to get the bottle or the dick. It didn't matter from where or from who or where I did it. I just wanted the high of the orgasms and the numbness of alcohol. I didn't want to feel or think, I just wanted to be

In a final effort to save my life, my husband took me to a rehab center and demanded that either I get clean or he would walk. I decided to get clean. I have been sober now for 125 days not counting the few swigs of vodka I take when no one is looking.

Three months after returning from rehab, I began a serious relationship with another man, my husband's brother. I always found him attractive and now I am sleeping with him. He is the reason why I am writing you: You may have the opinion by now that my case is hopeless, well I feel it is. I just got a blood test back and it turns out that I have HIV. Yeah, I bet you saw that one coming didn't you. I bet you could have predicted it with my promiscuity. I haven't touched my husband since then. I don't know how to tell him to get tested, worse, I don't know how to tell him that I am HIV positive, worse even still I don't want him to leave me, because I don't want to die alone. How can I tell him that not only is he going to loose his brother (he tested positive for AIDS) but he is also going to loose his wife.

Posted by Passion :: 12:05 PM :: 4 comments