Why Get Married: Men Lie Women Cheat!

Friday, January 05, 2007

To Kill a Mother In-Law Part II

Soji and I are regretfully seperated. And I guess it is for the best. My sanity can only go but so far. I remember in my parents day when people never got seperated. If you did they blamed the wife and found the husband a new woman to take your place. My father never abused my mother and my mother always respected my father. My grandmother came to live with us when my sister was born and never once in my recollection did she ever insult my mother. It was unheard of.

But not in my generation.

How backward has my society gotten that even now the mother's are demanding sons from us women. Here is my story.

Soji and I were introduced at a party several years ago (seven) we were very much drawn to each other. I can't say that I was drawn to him emotionally as much as I can say I found him very appealing. He is very light and tall. And I love my Nigerian men tall and light skin. His head is bald and he has facial hair and some nice lips to match. I was just staring at his mouth as he talked the whole time. We met up several times at different events because we kind of hung out in the same circles but he never made a move on me.

So I dated a few other guys . About two years later, after I had been disappointed by our wonderful Nigerian men, I met Soji at a freinds wedding shower. It was nice to see a familiar face since I only knew the bride but I didn't know her that well. Soji's brother happened to be the groom and we struck up an interesting conversation. He asked me if I was done messing around and ready to settle with a real man. I thought he was joking and said hell yeah. He asked for my number and said he would call me

The next day Soji called me and invited me to a party with some friends of his. I thought nothing of it since we ran in the same group. The party was great! Soji and I went to a club later that night with the same group of friends and it was there on the dance floor while slow dancing that he began to make his move. I remember him holding my butt and kissing me on my neck. And then he told me that he had always loved me and wanted to be with me forever.

Maybe it was all the wine that I had drank, maybe it was the music and the moment but I was smitten by his voice and his feel. kissing him I agreed to be his girl.

I am not usually that forward. I know you hear this all the time, but sincerely, I am not usually that forward but this time I was. I took it upon myself to kiss him thoroughly on the lips.

We began our romance. Five months into dating he asked me to marry him and I agreed. It was romantic and I want to keep this part of him asking to myself but just be aware that Soji did everything right. We planned our wedding for the following year May.

That is when the witch came into my life. She met me the following month on our visit to her home in Gettysburg, MD. She hated me from the moment she met me. Started off by asking me what I did for a living. I told her I was an Assistant to the V.P. of a firm. She then turned to Soji and in Yoruba said that why is he with a secretary when there are medical doctors and lawyers out there. I didn't believe she would do that! I am Yoruba, and even though I can't speak it, I understand every word. I just sat there in shock and Soji was really embarassed. He excused me and him and we went outside. He apologised and explained that there was this lady that his mother wanted him to marry but I shouldn't worry, he had it all under control. We went inside and his mother was on the phone. When she got off, she turned to Soji and said "That was Evangeline, she is excited that you are in town, she is coming over to greet you". then she turned to me and said "Oh, you are still here, I thought you were leaving. Anyway, you might want to leave before Evangeline gets here, she is Soji's real wife! She gets jealous if Soji is with other women, she is Doctor not a Secretary".

I couldn't believe it. As God is my witness, this is what happened. Soji was so upset he told me that we were leaving and as we got up his mother said in Yoruba again "Soji, if you leave now with this woman you are disobeying your mother. And a child who doesn't listen to his mother will live to regret it".

As we got in our car this nice BMW showed up and this very sexy but skinny girl came out. Soji got out and gave her a hug and introduced me to the girl. She gave me a cold look and handshake kissed Soji on the lips and hurried inside. I sat there while Soji got in and began to drive. I was fuming. I had been disgraced and embarassed beyond reason. I came to the states without parents or family. I struggled to make ends meet. Put myself through school and was proud of how much I had accomplished. I was studying for my MBA earned good money and didn't need any man for anything. And here I was being put down by some woman and her skinny wanna be doctor ass daughter in law. I was beyond annoyed. And here is this man that I love allowing this insult to continue by kissing the skinny bitch

I blew up.

By the time we hit 95 I was beyond upset. I was so angry I was shaking and cursing Soji, his mother and that skinny doctor. I was so upset I asked Soji to pull over so many times to let me walk home. He sat quietly and drove the car. Finally he spoke and started begging me not to leave him and not to be angry.

Soji told me if worse comes to worse we would elope.

Well we had our wedding and his mother didn't come. I was later told that the day scheduled for my wedding my soon to be mother in law sent a seperate invitation to all her friends to come help her mourn the loss of her son. She bought a coffin and she and her friends sat in her home and put the picture of my husband in the coffin and they cried. What a bunch of idiots. They have time and money to waste. Our wedding was so wonderful. Evangeline showed up however and when i was saying my vows she was coughing loudly until one of the ushers saw her out.

Life was great because I didn't have communication with his mother. He would go visit her and she would not even ask after me. When his mother first learned that I was pregnant in 2005 she was so excited.

She came over and knelt in front of me and begged me to forgive her. I wanted the drama to be over and for Soji's sake I gave in and accepted her apology. Soji and I had agreed that we would have only two children. Boy or girl we only wanted two because we didn't want any financial stress or drama. Well I was having twins. Soji's mother told all her friends and family I was having twin boys. I told Soji I was having girls and he should correct his mother.

Soji told her it was girls and she said "I rebuke it in Jesus Name"

She bought boy baby clothes and toys. She kept up this whole baby boy thing even at the baby shower, she brought all baby boy stuff. My friends and family thought she was crazy. I had four months before I was due and she showed up with her bags and moved into our home she was ready to take care of Soji's sons. I told her I was having girls and she told me to shut-up and not speak evil into existence. Strong men is what she described my babies to be.

Harmones and all, I started crying and got really agitated. We got into a verbal battle. I told her to accept my children or be out of our lives.His mother shoved me a couple times and I hit my stomach against the table. Fearful for my babies lives i began telling her to pack up her shit and get the fuck out of my house. I was yelling and sweating and I lost every ounce of control I had. We were both screaming and she was cursing the future of my daughters if they were girls. She tried to tousle with me at one point and I remember hitting my stomach several times By the time Soji came home we were both at each other's necks. That night I went into labor. I guess the stress had caused my babies to decide to come early.

We hurried to the hospital and one of the babies was pronounced dead, the other one was so weak she fought for her life.

As I sat in the hospital I expected Soji to come to my side. He didn't! He was outside beggint his mother not to be upset with me that it was my hormones and the pregancy. When our second baby died, Soji was still outside consoling his mother. I sat there in my hospital bed for two solid hours before my husband came to me.

He asked me what happened and I turned to look at him and said "your mother killed our babies" He told me to shut up that if I hadn't provoked his mother that the babies would still be alive. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My Soji had turned against me when I needed him the most.

I packed out of our four bedroom home the next week. Things had gotten to a point that we couldn't even stand the sight of each other. Words had been said that hurt so much so that they couldn't be taken back. Soji was sleeping on the couch and I was sleeping in the guest room. When I got home from the hospital his mother was sleeping in the second guest room and Evangeline was sleeping in my bed.

Needless to say there was to much damage emotionally and physically from all this drama, that I slept in the guest room until I got my strength.

As I was moving my clothes (that was all I took) from the home his mother was taunting me saying things like "Sebi i warned you that this marriage wouldn't last"
and abusing me in Yoruba while the foolish Evangeline was sitting on my couch reading an INTOUCH magazine smiling.

Next time i saw soji was two days later at the funeral of our daughters. I remember looking over the tiny casket at my husband and hating him for being there. And when his mother showed up crying, I remember loosing my mind and cursing her and her son out and demanding that they be removed from the graveside of my children. I remember being taken to the car and put inside by a friend. I remember passing out and waking up on my Uncle's couch.

I stayed at a friends house until I could afford to get my own apartment. For three months i walked through life like a dead person. I can't remember most of what I did but it involved sleeping, work and home and paying bills. I didn't communicate with any friends or family. I was numb and dead inside.

Soji and I have been on the road to reconciliation. I don't know how he found my address but everyday he would come and knock on my door begging me to let him in. I finally did after three weeks and we talked and cried together. We began to heal from the death of our marriage and our children together. He comes over and we talk. He tells me stuff about the day at work and it is almost like we are back to being married. He is sweet and kind and makes me laugh. He is the wonderful man I know him to be.

His mother moved back to Gettysburg and Evangeline is getting married this year to some Pastor. Soji sold our house and lives in a loft apartment. We are on the way to bridging our marriage but I don't know if I can take that final step and move back in with him. He asked me many times if I was ready to allow him to be a better husband.

I will not lie we do have great sex and we do see each other everyday and night. Sometimes I sleep at his place and sometimes he sleeps at mine but I don't know if I am ready or strong enough to take on his mother and this marriage again. Soji is ready and well...maybe 2007 will be the year all things become better...

Posted by Passion :: 11:16 AM :: 8 comments